When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
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