it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
