yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
