is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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