I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Boobs speak an international language.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
