I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
