I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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