my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
