I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
