I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
