woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
