Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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