On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
