Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
