well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
