you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
