Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
