I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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