i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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