it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
