There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
