Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
