smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
