Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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