If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
