Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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