oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
