We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
