batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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