You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
worst night to have a conscience
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
