My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
