Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
