census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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