do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
