i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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