hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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