Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last time i carry you out of a forest
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
