The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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