I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
