I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
