Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
