Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
tell me about the eggs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
