Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Are my feet made of real feet?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
