so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
