I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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