Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
