Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
