He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
