I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
