Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
