It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
