is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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