Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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