Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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