I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
