apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
