sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
either way he was missing a nipple.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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