I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
