bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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