At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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